Transformation

Note: Originally posted on peaceloveandjazz.blogspot.com on May 28, 2009. That blog has been replaced by this one.

"You know how I have those really horrific, apocolyptic dreams on occasion?" I asked my wife. She had asked me why, first thing in the morning, in the kitchen while making coffee, I was searching the Internet on the laptop for a song that we had sung in church last Sunday called 'Peace I Leave With You'. I said, "I think my dream was a lesson, metaphor-as-meme to teach me something about nonduality, which I have been reading a lot about lately by people who have experienced it. They say that nonduality cannot be explained in words, so maybe my dream world created this metaphor so that I could better understand." Here's the dream.

In this dream, I was both inside sitting in a row of chairs with an audience of people and outside on a city street corner watching the most horrific violence that I have ever seen in any medium, be it dreams, movies, and so on. There was a man who picked up a homemade grenade and shoved it into his mouth where it exploded, slowly expanding his face into a grotesque caricature. There were large menacing insects flying about and one flew into my ear and I could not dig it out. There were people on fire. There were explosions all around and vivid scenes of humans being dismembered, blown apart, and burned, all while screaming and writhing in abject horror. There before me, around me, and within me, was pain, violence and suffering at its extreme. Then, in the heat of human suffering, I begin to hear music. At first faint, it grows louder, but still not as loud as the explosions and screams around me. Soon I recognize it as that song, 'Peace I Leave With You'. It is perfectly played, including the violin part, which we did not have last Sunday. It is played and sung as though by angels. There is a smooth floating violin line above and a series of arpeggio's in the mid-lower register of the organ. The words sung are long and flowing, "Peace I Leave With You. My peace, not as the world gives, I give to you."
Waking up to this was an inspiring experience. Simultaneously, I was feeling both the horror and the peace. The juxtaposition of these two extremes of horror and peace gave rise to a state of mind that I have had before, though rarely. It is a sense of deep knowing and understanding and of accepting this reality without judgement, but with instead a sense of "Oh, that is. And I am also that." Eventually, with the music in my mind continuing into the kitchen, the feeling of peace presided and the horror faded. The big hug from my loving wife helped a lot.

I don't know why I think it's about nonduality. I can see both extremes at the same time. They exist at the same time, extremely different in their extremes, yet they are somehow connected. How are they connected? I will tell you how. But first, let me give you another example that also appeared to me in a daydream this morning.
I saw this in my mind as I was walking the dog around the block on this foggy cool morning. In my daydream was a couple, man and wife. The man was physically abusing his wife. His face was full of anger and hatred. While he was repeatedly and blindly bashing his wife, there slowly emerged a love song from his heart. The love was there, in his heart, both visually and musically. I could see the pink energy flowing out from his heart with this song, all the while bruising her and drawing blood from her face. The words of the song, being sung by an unseen group of musicians, were expressing his deep abiding love and affection for her. How is it that these two extremely different extremes, deep anger and abiding love coexist? How are they connected? In the end of this tragedy, he is transformed by the music and is seen holding her and sobbing over her numb body.

How are these connections possible? What enables opposites to coexist in this way? I can only explain it with a metaphor, that of a stringed instrument. But first, one more example that came to me just two nights ago.
I was visiting my friend who lives west of here, where the housing developments grow further apart, the state forest beckons hikers, and the rolling hills were made for bicyclists. My friend, self-diagnosed as autistic or at minimum having Asperger's syndrome, frequently struggles with fear and inner conflict. In addition to cigarettes, he copes with his hobby, inventing antennae for ham radio, and with surfing the Internet for knowledge. He is the most widely-read person I know and his mind has been filled for years with the current thoughts of today's political pundits, scientific researchers, and leaders from all walks of life. From this internal experience of inner chaos and struggle, profound wisdom frequently emerges. "Where did that come from?" I asked when I heard the words of wisdom and saw the face of knowing. "I don't know", he answered in wonder. Aside from wisdom, my friend is also home to another extreme experience, that of the joy of cycling. By riding his bicycle and training in a certain way, he can experience moments of sheer joy that come out of long periods of effort, pain, and struggle. There are certain hills that seem to dare you to cycle up them and defy you to go all the way. The heart rate peaks and is sustained, the legs burn from the lactic acid, the breath is heavy and constant. The mind is focused on the prize, there is no listening to the inner voices of giving up, of turning back. The struggle goes on and on. Then the hill is crested. The legs continue to spin, though effortlessly now. The wind against the face awakens the mind. An extreme rush of emotional soup courses through the fleshy roadways of the body. The spirit of the moment overwhelms the body-mind, releasing joy throughout.

If this were to be a movie title, it would be called Transformation. There are other examples of this that I could relate, what can be described as the juxtaposition of an extreme dichotomy of extreme states of human existence. If you want to make a movie, I could give you more. But let's get on with the metaphor for understanding.
Imagine a single string on a cello or stand-up bass. Pluck it and watch it vibrate. If you were to see a visual representation of the sound vibrations coming from the string spread across the frequency range of audible sounds, you would see the amplitude is largest at the frequency of the string's musical note (concert A for example). You would also see amplitudes that are not as great but still significantly larger than all the others. There may be a half dozen or more frequencies that stand out. These are the resonating frequencies of that string. Overtones and undertones are sounds that emerge from these resonances, over or under the pitch of the musical note to which that string is tuned. Sometimes these other tones are audible, as if the instrument is playing more than one note at the same time.

I have been told, "Never explain a metaphor. Metaphors are meant to be a learning tool for the unconscious mind." But I am compelled to go on, the intellectual ego demanding its day in the sun. Here is where you choose to go with me or heed the warnings of the metaphor moguls.

Oh good. You are still game. Here it is. We are the string.
We are the instrument, though much more complex and with many more strings, more than an entire orchestra. We are each and all capable of resonating with every frequency.

We can resonate with anger, hatred, and violence toward another. And, at the same time, we can resonate with abiding love and compassion. There seems to be a resonant frequency of love that is an overtone to the frequency of anger and agression. With a little help from a piece of music, we can transform anger to love.

We can resonate with violence and horror and feel the pain and suffering that it generates. And, at the same time, we can resonate with peace. There seems to be a resonant frequency of peace that is an overtone to the frequency of horror. With a little help from a piece of music, we can transform horror to peace.

We can resonate with fear, inner conflict, and relentless coping. And, at the same time, we can resonate with joy. What do we need to transform the fear into joy? How about an anchor? Try now to remember the inner experience of cresting the hill and feeling the wind in your face and the rush of joy.

In nonduality, there is no cause and effect. We don't pluck the string to start the vibration. All vibrations already exist. We can however choose to tune our instrument to resonate with the vibrations or frequencies of our choosing.

Coming: How do we choose? Who's in charge? Do we have the free will to choose?

Also coming: What is an anchor? Why are they good for PTSD?